Even

Even when you’re not looking. You’re looking. You can say it’s just not the right time, but the only time is now, and now is always never the best time. Even when you say you love him, do you really? You little prick, you don’t know what you want, and you’re willing to drag him along as you figure it out. But even he wants to be dragged along, even if he says he doesn’t want to be. Don’t we all want to be used? We may all be selfish, but even we get bored and even tormented by using ourselves for our own needs all the time…

And after a fantastic date, why is it he doesn’t end up calling?

I’ve cried about this as many times as I’ve laughed about it. Which is to say, not many times. Many times I simply sigh these days… and try to go back to living for myself.