on difference and desire 1

While the very polarity of attraction of either sex in heterosexuality are not surprisingly given momentum in their very (abyss of)difference, it is within the homosexual difference and its heterosexual premaleness that gives momentum to the attraction between the subject and the object(s) of desire.

It is not enough to mention how many of us discuss our attraction, to go far as putting a requirement, for the one we are to be with(or fuck)to be masc(uline). The lack of balance here is that the masc ones and fem(inine) ones alike place this stipulation for masc. And with the fem gay being such a large part of the face of homosexuality as subculture as legitimate class of human race, why does no one want him, why does no one ultimately claim to be him?

It is too easy to say the main reason for this is because of the negative representation of the fem guy as our mascot has damaged the many of us that are not that. In other words, that the fem guy fails to "democratically" equally represent all of us. Isn't commonplace for any social group/subculture to denounce their visible spokespersons as not representing everyone in their group fairly? As if to say, "despite the stereotypical qualities that we seem to largely share, we are in fact a very diverse group"?

What I argue is that really we may not be a very diverse group. If we say that we are men attracted to Men, the Men we are attracted to- by this sort of semantics- suggests that the men(I/we) is different than the Men we are attracted to(object of desire). By nature of desire we are not what we desire, afterall, and even more paradoxically, we cannot be what we want, for a subject cannot want what he already is or already has. Meaning, if all of us ultimately want to the masc guy, then we ourselves must not be the masc guy.

There are undoubtedly those that are masc that say they want a masc guy. And undoubtedly, deep down inside, they aren't really all that masc. To be truly masculine in this society is really to be a heterosexual male. And as homosexuality is truly performative and our identity as behavior as held against heterosexual gender roles, then it goes without saying that in our development we will align themselves with woman, as they share our desire of men. And aligning ourselves to woman, however internally and mostly as adolescence, we take on the difference of the heterosexual polarity, however subconsciously, to maintain that we want what ultimately we are not, and never will be (heterosexual male). Afterall, to be truly man than we should be attracted to our difference which is woman, feminine, to which we commonly hear "I'm gay cuz i want to be with a man, NOT a woman!". Which could easily mean, "I'm a woman, why would I want to be with another woman?" or really "I never really feel completely like a man, hence I want to be with a man!".

It is common for gay and heteros alike to look at the fem guy, particularly the sassy, out spoken, highly dressed one, and call his behavior an unnaturally forced act (which can appear quite painfully so, true). But isn't the college, butch jock guy an equally unnatural forced act?

Being fem or masc are not two equally different qualities. Despite the strides of feminists and human rights, we still live in a patriarchal society. The best and easy proof of this: a feminine man is looked far more down upon than the masculine female. Even if called a bitch, the masculine female, tough and ruthless, still is associated with strength and, particularly in corporate america, power. The soft, sensitive, feminine guy is often considered weak and can, if left unprotected by friends/guardians/family, easily be left to abuse by harassers. Both are "equally" male and female, but the irony is the true difference resides in their performative qualities.

This all points to the fact in my mind how men and woman are still not equal. And the conflict that resumes continues even when the gender difference is materially rendered at zero, as in the gay world where all is the subjected man to objected man, or subjected woman to objected woman. It is an inequality within ourselves.