on relationships 2

I pretend I'm in a relationship some days.

I wake up in the morning, and with no one beside me, I scream out:

"Hey where'd you go?"

I'd even check my cell phone to see if he txt me to let me know where he'd went.

When I hook up I look at this person I don't know and think that he is the one, that he's the one I've been sleeping with for years. If he didn't do this or that right, I think, it's ok, I loved every minute of it, anyway, sex before was better, but as you grow old together, sex can't always be incredible, it's ok... and so on and so forth.

When I get groceries I sometimes buy more than I should. When I run errands I'll reach for the phone thinking I need to call to check if I need to pick up anything else for him. When I go to the gym, I look in the mirror and, when I think I look good, think, ah, my boy will be happy. He'll be happy. and when I look kinda flabby, I think, holy shit I can't have sex with him until I work it off.

Another waiter I suck off at work occasionally, I do every so often just to feel like I can have the freedom I want from him. I think he'll never find out and fuck him. He doesn't give me all I need anyway. He could me more generous, so that every once in a while, I get what I want... or even when a girl hits on me, I take her number and think, forget him. I should go to girls. They're more caring...

Or when I deal with taxes, I tell my tax guy, do I get a break from having a dependent?
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soccerfukjock: So what u doin tonite?
me: nuthin. u?
soccerfuckjock: (10 minutes later)nothin,2. wanna hook up?
me: what do u like?
soccerfukjock: (8 minutes later) sucking, cuddling. safe stuff. u?
me: like hang first, talk, see if there's chemistry.
soccerfukjock: (20 minutes later)ok cool. my numbers ##########
me: ok, cool.

So I txt him later, and no reply.

I have this other sort of interaction quite often.
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Niether are very real, are they?